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Kieran Reid Wiki
History Born in 1696, Kieran Reid started his carrer by selling fake moustaches in the back of an ice-cream truck in Brooklyn, New York. He slowly built up this empire until he was featured on the cover of 'Moustache Weekly'. From here his career thrived and became the world record holder for selling the most fake moustaches ever. He still holds that record today. Kieran met a tall black man by the name of Himajig Blundanda in 1976. They both aspired to be professional basketball players, and started a sexual relationship with eachother. From then on they started in the NBA (National Basketball Association) in 1984. Kieran went on to play for the 'Chicago Bulls'. Sadly Himajig Blundanda was called to duty in Afganistan. No one has heard of him since. He has also won various awards for biggest bellend in Korea, and is interbreeder of the year in a row since 1696-2010. He is also well known for being in films such as 'The Hills Have Eye's' 1,2 and 3, 'Oh my god its a Korean', 'Oh My God It's A Korean 2 - The Bellend Strikes Back' and the 'Wrong Turn' series. Current Life Kieran Ried is known as 'KKK' (Kieran the Kinky Korean). He spends most of his days playing basketball and shaving his wonderfully fluffy moustache. He says that his parents are white. We know that not to be true... They are Korean. His relationship status is constantly changing, but truly we do think he loves his pet basketball Larry, or there is always 'CRAZY EYES GIRL' Kieran tried to get a place in the school of ballet in 1955, and is hoping to become the dancing queen, as he feels the role of 'God' was too big for him. He now has his own special locker in his school, this is called 'Amon Rah,' which is loosley translated to 'Food Scraps'. All these food products are then left to rot before someone clears it out and donates this to his chosen charity of 'Reid's School of Dance' which was opened in about the 1700's. Kieran has multiple phobias. Anatidaephobia (fear of swans), Podophobia (fear of the feet), Arithmophobia (fear of numbers), Didaskaleinophobia (fear of going to school), Geliophobia (fear of laughter) and Laliophobia (fear of speaking). Kieran is interested in the street art of 'graffiti'. When Kieran has been a 'naughty boy' and is put in his basement and chained to a fridge. Kieran perfect this art and is now a 'alright' graffiti artist and has had his work featured outside the Tate Modern exhibition in London, England (people didn't look at it, even the men who put it up didn't even know it was there). Prayer of the Kieran The prayer is very important to the life and purpose of the Kieran. This is said everyday at sunrise and sunset over and over until Fluff-Fluff (God of Hair) is satisfied. Sometimes this takes hours. رتحطجدنبؤاتلايراىلات ت ى تتف تفلاىفلت تبلعتغت تقباعتفلاهخ٨رتحطجدنبؤاتلايراىلات ت ى تتف تفلاىفلت تبلعتغت تقباعتفلاهخ٨رتحطجدنبؤاتلايراىلات ت ى تتف تفلاىفلت تبلعتغت تقباعتفلاهخ٨رتحطجدنبؤاتلايراىلات ت ى تتف تفلاىفلت تبلعتغتتقباعتفلاهخ٨رتحطجدنبؤاتلايراىلات ت ى تتف تفلاىفلت تبلعتغ ت٨ This loosely translates to: 'Moustache, moustache the fluffy moustache! We pray for forgiveness on this day of fluff! Please bring bread to our children and hair to our brethrins! Oh, moustache , moustache the one who is almighty and fluffy!' This then follows with the sacred act of putting a bin over his head. His Many Brothers, and huge family. (That do not interbreed at all.) Kieran Reid, one of many Reids, is the 52nd sibling in his family, this is unfortunately due to the fact that his mother cannot keep her legs shut, alongside his fathers overactive sperm bank. His siblings, which strangely only ever seem to be brothers, include: *Alex *Connor *Ahmed *Batman *Zainab *Caleb *Samira Samira *Taslima *Will *John *Fred *Not Dom *Jess *Babs *Kebabs *Ryan *Chong *Ching *Chinaman *Gywn *Unagueg *Slobbet *Jessica *And unfortunately, as the list is so big, we connot display the full list, if that were at all possible it would cause the computer to explode and it would kill Adam and Eve so then humanity would cease to exist (yeah, we don't want that to happen). The Accident Kieran suffered a horrific injury to the ear in 1994, and led to him having to be in a wheelchair for another 6 years. He was paralyzed from the hip down and got a nasty cut on his cheek. His mummy kissed this boo-boo and he carried on with treatment for his horrifying ordeal. The cause of this absolutely devestating happening was an incident with a swan. Kieran was about to 'dunk' a ball, when a swan came onto the court. Kieran stepped on the poor old fella' and slipped across the floor, re-gained his footing then fell over onto his ear. Sadly it broke. Small amounts of blood dripped from his ear. The swan was fine. However this incident is highly controversial, and some reporters say that the 'swan incident' was in fact faked. They uncovered the truth behind the fatal accident, which was that one day his huge bellend exploded, preventing him for walking. This will remain a mystery to this very day. Unless you ask the guy. The 'God Days' Kieran in his 'God Days' from 1734 - 1952, they were apparantly the days when he slayed whores and fucked dragons. As you can see he had the body of a horse. This body doesnt come easily though. Kieran excersied regulary (maybe too much to get that body), ate all the food on his plate and 5 pieces of fruit a day. Thats right, kids! You could be like this too! And by the way... He was NOT on steriods, no. Kieran participated in the annual 'Fluff-Fluff God Bodybuilding Championships' and won every year. Apart from 1886 when a swan, by the name of John F. Kennedy, entered and Kieran, becuase of his phobia, backed out. The swan went on to win that year. Kieran then hired a hitman to assassinate the swan at his after-party through the streets of Dallas, Texas. Kieran had an affair with the Greek God Zeus. This was absolutely forbidden for a Pakistani/Korean God to have sexual relations with a God of different race. It turned out that Kieran was actually raped by Zeus by his lightning bolts. Kieran then wrote a book on this called 'The Day I Was Struck By Lightning', which warns kids and adults bout being careful when out at night in Pompei. Zeus was sentenced to 2000 years in jail with no early bail. Some say that the Grand Canyon was formed on Kieran's ab lines, and was then removed just before he got... fat. Some say the first whore Kieran killed was 102 feet tall. Kieran jumped onto the shoulder of the whore and 'poked' the neck. The whore fell instantly on top of the Eiffel Tower, Paris. Kieran was then done for GBH (grevious bodily harm). Kieran's 'God' career went down hill after a fight with a gay man at a dancing class, where they argued about who owned the cutest cat. Kieran lost this debate and went on to eat and eat and eat until he ran out of children in his town that he was feasting on. He lost the 'Godly body', grew man-boobies and blisters appeared on every single part of his legs becuase of chafing. From this moment on he was now known as 'Blubba-Blubba K-K-K-Kieran'. Shortly after this photo of kieran was taken, he got sat on by a normal korean family, who had mistken him for a giant bean bag. However, he didn't mind because he then proceeded to eat this family, unfortunately photos of this event could sadly not be recovered, as they were also eaten. Category:Browse